I really feel for you, and can relate to the feelings of self blame. I think regardless of what happened to us, being in the Borg creates that feeling in a person, and i'm guessing your own experiences have magnified that even further for you. Its a catch 22 situation isnt it, you need people but they intensify the feelings you have due to the belief system they are in too. I think its worth remembering how it was to be under that mind control for them. They are not maybe in themselves bad people (though some most deffinitely are) but do things no sane person would wilst they are under that influence. One thing that you mentioned is you married your now husband, is he supportive and loving?, can you turn to him about this? To have just one person in your life that is special and can be trusted and be your best friend is enough. Often I find that part of a solution is talking about it, puting things into words can have the effect of sifting through and sorting things out, it doesnt remove the issues but can bring some needed relief and understanding, facing it head on, so the pain isnt so intense.
CS 101